Intern Creativity Test
You have to pass this Creativity Test to intern at Killian Branding.
Well, yes: can I get one?
Maybe. There’s competition for our internships. Quite a few people seem interested in demanding work with no guarantees of future happiness. Go figure.
Would I be better off flipping burgers?
Tell me more about those hills and valleys.
Fair enough. How about the bad news?
The big disadvantage is that you’d be working in a smallish agency. There’s nowhere to hide. If you can’t cut it, everybody will know.
The atmosphere is quite different from dinosaur agencies in more ways than we can shake an intern at. So if your ultimate goal is to grind away at Sayfe, Lee, Blandon, Gray until you earn a corner office, a mid-life crisis, clinical depression, or some dreary confluence of the above, it might be wise to re-think your choices. Killian Branding just might be the wrong launch pad.
Surely you exaggerate.
What’s your dress code?
More pros please.
Those are trivial matters. Tell me more about The Job.
Ah. We get distracted by food. We have good news there, too. First, we work for a first-class and diverse client list with nothing in common except this: they’re nice people, the end result of our reckless policy of only working with people we like.
Second, nobody here gives a rat’s posterior about your age, gender, race, religion, national origin, green hair, sorority, sexual orientation, table manners, tattoos, tanktops, tonedeafness, politics, police record, pierced body parts or beak size. You’ll be measured only on your ability to make great things happen.
Third, you’ll learn as much as you have the ability and initiative to learn. We do strategic branding, company and product naming, advertising, web design, graphic design and more. We’d expect you to contribute from day one.
Now are you intimidated?
Not a bit. Hit me with the downside.
Food and transportation in Chicago are costly. Housing can be, too. You won’t be covered by our health insurance. Every once in a while, the Big Cheese plays opera or old Chet Baker tunes. If you can’t keep our office hula hoop rotating, some may sneer. You’re likely to acquire a nickname, like “Spunky.”
Commuting on the El or the bus can sometimes be crowded and, in summer, icky. Being on the bottom of the totem pole means you might get some crummy jobs, like walking to the “semlem” for coffee cream when it’s hot enough to fry an egg on an intern.
I’m not scared off yet, buster. But will my internship jumpstart my career?
So how are you going to find the best candidate? That is to say, me.
That’s the old confidence, Spunky. That assertiveness training is starting to pay dividends. Since we haven’t scared you off yet, it’s time to confront our Intern Creativity Test. Take a deep breath:
First, write us a letter, telling us when you’re available to start, when you have to leave us, what computer skills you have, the weekend you have to leave early to be in Jessica’s wedding, why you refuse to live up to our dress code, your hostility to Darwin, etc. Nuts and bolts. We always have one intern here, year round, and sometimes two or three. It’s minimum wage (unless your college credit co-op doesn’t permit it). Since summer competition is fierce, if you can intern in another season, you improve your chances.
Then separately (and much more important) sell yourself to us.
Make, that is, some persuasive advertising, with you as the product. As soon as you think it’s pretty darn semi-wonderful (that is, above and beyond what your competitors will do), send it to:
Intern Creativity Test Judge
73 W Monroe St
Chicago, IL 60603
The decision of the judge, no matter how perplexing, pig-headed or preposterous is final. In this Darwinian competition, there are no guidelines, no deadlines, and no prize, or even notification, for second place. Let us spell that out, since some people don’t seem to get it: we notify the winner(s) and nobody else. Cold and cruel? Perhaps, so don’t bother following up “to see if it arrived.” It did. This is a last-one-standing knife fight, with no rules. (Re-read that last dependent clause, Spunky.) Fortune favors the brave.